VP of the Month (Dec 2009) – Washington Redskins



 ED: Ed Agner : PR: Phil Rippa

(Originally Published on 1/11/2010)

PR: Somewhere in the process of thinking up this new feature, we easily decided on Jimmy Rollins and our VP of the Year we realized that we needed a December too. Again, we wanted no part of Tiger Woods (though I did toy with the idea of Stanford University but I couldn’t get it to work in the Rule of Three that I am sadly a slave to) and soccer is out since I gave up trying to explain to Ed why the Republic of Ireland was funny.

ED: In my defense, I can always find Ireland funny. I just have no idea why their soccer team is funny.

PR: Football is dead to Ed thanks to Al Davis so getting him motivated to write anything other than the Tuck Rule or Tom Brady is tough. Hence why Ed was eager to nominate Ben Roethlisberger and his mush brain. I was indifferent to the idea since I figured I would just rerun the Photoshop of Ben on the tricycle and call it a day. And then the Swinging Gate happened.

PR: That play will always hold a special place since it was the last highlight of this miserable New York Giants season (which probably deserves its own destruction… err… deconstruction at some point). Jim Zorn, clearly not wanting to wait the three weeks it will take for him to officially be fired, delivers an extra special early Christmas present and sends in that masterpiece.

ED: Oddly enough, a zillion years ago when I played HS football, we always huddled up for extra points and field goals off to the side to enable the Swinging Gate play but we never ever ran it. In fact, I am sure we might have practiced that play once or twice but for the life of me I cannot recall that even working against the scout team. Furthermore, I am certain as a waddly and slow lineman I did everything in my power to screw up said play in practice just so we would never run it since…well that’s a helluva lot of running for a big man.

PR: For some reason, Zorn (and Special Teams Coach Danny Smith) love to show their hands on trick plays. What is not seen in any of the YouTube clips is that Zorn called the play, the team all spread out into its mind-boggling formation (maybe they misinterpreted the A-11 offense or something) and Tom Coughlin immediately calls a timeout. That doesn’t deter Jim Zorn one bit. He is staying medium. It’s damn the torpedoes. We are running the Swinging Gate. God Bless you Jim Zorn

“I contemplated just kicking the field goal after (the timeout). The play was unique enough that I didn’t think they saw what we were really trying to do. But they smelled it out pretty quickly. We didn’t really have a chance.”

PR: That wasn’t the first time the Redskins had done the “Show the fake play, opponent calls a timeout, run it again” series this season, as in an earlier game, they ran a fake punt against the Denver Broncos. Of course – Wonderkid Josh McDaniels couldn’t figure it out and Hunter Smith (Who knew the Skins where running a Punt, Pass & Kick competition all season long?) scored an inexplicable TD. Granted this is a Broncos team that had Chris Simms as their backup.

ED: The NFL is really loaded with coaches who think they are smarter than they really are. It’s becoming more and more apparent that coaching in the NFL is like maneuvering on a highway. Guys like Zorn and those from the Belichick family of coaches try every trick in the book to move ahead – like the guy in the monstrous SUV cutting in and out of lanes and passing people on the berm just to move one slot ahead of you, usually ending up getting cut off by the old lady in the Caddy doing 25 in the fast lane as you breeze by them flipping them the bird. You got…well, anyone dumb enough to take the Raiders gig who is just happy to have the car in gear and going forward who clogs things up going 20 miles under the speed limit. And then you’ve got the guys who succeed just by putting the cruise on while listening to conservative talk radio and staying in one lane to creep along to the finish without instigating road rage; fine, but oh so dull.

PR: Now the Swinging Gate kinda hid the fact that Washington got destroyed by a Giants team that turned out to suck (grr….) but Albert Haynesworth was there to remind everyone that clearly the team’s poor record was not his fault. On Christmas Day – Haynesworth was late to practice, sent home by Zorn for numerous reasons, denied trying to organize a player revolt and then basically said the defense sucked. It is unclear how many times he fell on the floor and needed to be carted off to his couch while badmouthing Greg Blache and the rest of D.

ED: Sadly, this has been the Skins MO for the entire Daniel Snyder era. I mean, sure the Skins win like 2-3 more games than the Raiders ever year, but man are they just as awful and dead-ended as the Raiders. God I hate the NFL.

PR: I also haven’t even mentioned yet that Vinny Cerrato was finally fired. Yeah, Cerrato is lucky that Jim Bowden was around for awhile to deflect a lot of the wacky. This also led to Jerry Gray interviewing for vacant and non-vacant positions the entire month and then denying it all so the Redskins could claim to comply with the Rooney Rule. Probably the only job Gray didn’t try and get was replacing Sam or Sonny (or head coach at Memphis but none of us care about college football so so much for that joke.)

ED: And now Phil is out of my element. Although, Phil failed to mention that the Skins replaced Cerrato with Bruce Allen who I will always confuse with his brother who killed his own political career for making a racist joke. No cause or relation here, it just makes me giggle. And for the record, I am the guy who puts the cruise on and does 70 on the highway.

PR: The Redskins lone highlight in December? A win over Oakland.

ED: But the Raiders destroyed Pittsburgh’s playoff chances, so all is right with the world. Oh yeah, and the Skins fired Zorn the day after the regular season ended and hired Mike Shanahan. HEHEHEHE. Yeah, good luck with that Washington.

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